I showed her this picture the other day because I thought it was cute of her brother, she noticed right away that she was hidden from view. She was behind him. He was hogging the shot!
I just thought it was a funny picture of my son. Sadly this is how she has felt since that fateful day....perhaps this is why people have their kids two years apart? At three my daughter knew things, she owned things, she was Queen.
Well at least in her mind.
The first clue I had that she was feeling a little left out, was the one morning that I did not wake up at the crack of dawn with her.....instead, exhausted from lack of sleep the night before I lay selfishly in bed....conked out.
I awoke to my daughter doing an impersonation of Drew Barrymore in that move Fire Starter. She screamed at the top of her lungs...."GET UP!!!!"
Her hair was ablaze and I am pretty sure flames were coming from her hands.
This is not a pleasant way to wake up, in any circumstance, however a sleep deprived new mother doesn't always make the best choices.... I jumped up out of bed and looked around for the rabid animal that must be about to attack.....only thing I could think of that would cause anyone to yell like that....
Instead I just saw my daughter.....in the doorway, panting and angry. She wasn't crying....she was just MAD.
I then said something, I now know was a mistake, I said, "Oh sorry honey. Mommy must have over slept because she was up with the baby all night."
Total truth, however at that moment she realized not only is this new baby cute, he is interfering with her normal routine....
Big mistake on my part....huge.....the worst.
She now began to see him as competition.
At this time we did not know our son would require more from us....He had some health problems, but nothing serious...we thought. So for the most part the two children who now lived in my house should get along....
My daughter had other plans.
She did not want to share me or her Dad or her Fa-ma. (Grandma really, no idea where she came up with that)
I think my daughter should have been born an only child. She feels that way too....even now I am sure. Don't get me wrong, she loves him....even likes him sometimes, but all be told in truth she resents him.
Not only would she have to share her parents and grandparents with this cute little boy, it wouldn't be long before he would require more and more of our attention. She was in third grade when her brother had to have surgery to drain a cyst in his brain.
Before and after the ordeal she was sure we all loved him more, but here is the thing....during the nightmare, while we were all in the hospital waiting and praying she was a kind little angel. She worried about me, about daddy and most of all about her brother. It took an army to remove her from his bedside each night. She was determined to look over him.
I know what every parent knows, that their kids really do love each other. Even when there are fights, jealousy, and resentment there is also love.
There is a lot of demand on a sibling of a special needs child. They have to be patient at doctor visits, they have to understand why they have to leave the event they were enjoying because brother thinks it is just too loud. They have to understand why the other child gets to go to neat places like the Autism Clinic, and most of all they have to watch while the "special" sibling gets to ride a horse, because he needs it.....
WHAT?!
A horse? Are you kidding me? How unfair can life get?
Apparently pretty unfair.
Almost everyone I know who has a family like mine, with one child who has special needs and other children who fall into that "normal" category has the same problem.
That "normal" kid will always feel slighted, will always feel left out. There is not a lot you can do or should do.
They will eventually figure it all out....they will, wont they?
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