Explaining Ben

It has occurred to me that I am a constant disclaimer for my son. I explain him. I don't know if this is the same as making excuses for him, but I hope not. Once my son started behaving odd in public, I felt compelled to explain. I will never forget one outing to a restaurant when he had first started to change. At this particular place you have to order your food first, then find a seat. The line was out the door. Ben could not wait. He became very very agitated and was in pre-meltdown. I said to my husband, "Just take him inside and get a seat, that way he can have the chips and salsa until we order." After my husband took the kids inside a little boy turned to his dad and said, "Why do they get to go ahead?" The dad replied, "I don't know, it isn't right is it? People shouldn't cut in line." The he glared at me.
I fought back the tears and told him my son has Diabetes Insipidus and he needs salt. He gets really cranky around meals. (this was only a theory at this point but I couldn't explain the sudden changes in my son any other way)
Instead of apologizing he proceeded to tell me he was a paramedic and that is not how diabetes works. He should know being a medic and all. He then told me my son would need sugar not salt.
    I was not myself. The real me would have launched into a lecture of how to treat people that have health issues and if he really was a medic he should give back his certificate because he clearly has no concept of how to treat people. Plus he has no idea what Diabetes Insipidus really is.( D.I is water diabetes, where the person drinks way too much water and gets their electrolytes all out of whack) But like I said, I was not myself. I just said, very quietly, "Its not that kind of diabetes."
I remember the whole time feeling this awful sadness. Thinking,  deeply knowing that there was something seriously wrong with my son. I was so upset I did not enjoy my meal. Ben did. He was fine once he had his salty chips.
I still want to punch that man in the neck. Every time I think about it I get just as mad.
I imagine for people who dealt with autism years ago they were met with much more rudeness. I have said it before, that seeing a child who has autism can sometimes be difficult to understand. They just look like they are being brats. The parents must not have any idea how to....well be a parent. If they could just control the child....yada yada yada.
     That, as I said was the first of what would become many times I tried to explain my son to the public. I am trying to quit. I think now people should just think what they want. It really only helped me anyway. The birthday parties, the classroom events and the field trips where I was quick with a reason for my son's behavior are now a thing of the past. Partly because I want to know how the public perceives him now. Medication free, he really is a different little boy....to us. It only counts if everyone else sees it.
Quitting a behavior you have had for years can be hard. At his last doctors appointment I think Ben said something about his autism before I did. That is nice. He is getting older and can explain himself. He can say things like, "That is hard for me because I have autism." Coming from him it is not an apology. It is not an explanation, it just is a fact. So if all my public service announcements have done one thing, I guess they have taught my son how to talk to people about autism. He is totally okay with his issues and can say what he wants to when people have questions. Isn't that the best tool we can give our children? The ability to understand themselves.