School.....again....

The pages of summer are about done....

             This summer was great. Until about two weeks ago. Then it became something of a problem. My daughter started school on August 10th, with the rest of our town. My son, does not start until this Wednesday. The giddy feeling he experienced when he realized he could stay home while his sister went to school quickly faded.  He saw this meant that soon, very soon he would also be returning. School was not easy for him last year. Despite all we did to make the transition easy from home-school, to charter school, from being heavily medicated to drug free, from friendless to social butterfly....it all just became too much. By the end of the school year he was almost impossible to wake up. He cried and stomped around about how much he hated school....summer was a welcome break.
As I said however, the impending doom that is school,  has been hanging over him for two weeks. Like a man on death row I have seen all the emotions.  Anger, denial, grief, then finally acceptance........
I had to go to the school and attend a meeting so I brought him with me. Hoping against hope that just being there, seeing familiar things, and familiar faces would crack the shell. I was (thankfully) right. When I was done with my meeting I found my son with a new love of school. Yay! I was miserable about the prospect of having to hog-tie him and drag him to school in the trunk of my car, only to have a phone call ten minutes later from the office telling me he wanted to talk to me.
     We are all ready now. Next year, his fifth grade year I have so many dreams. I have to remind myself that unlike Jenny McCarty I did not cure my son's autism. He still has a hard time understanding social cues, (or as he says it-"I'm just really bad with people") He still gets frustrated to the point of tears over small things, and he still has very little impulse control. He also still can't write. He CAN but it is painfully slow. His spelling and math are waaaaay below grade level and he seems to have a fear of geography. Sigh. Oh but the dreams are there! I am pretending for these next few days that I have a normal life, that I do not have to fight at IEP's or demand help for my son. I am pretending that he doesn't have issues with other kids and that he can do all the things a neurotypical 10 year old is capable of. That when he arrives at school he will fit in, be liked and not under any circumstance show everyone his nipple family reunion.

      I am pretty sure all my pretending won't help. I know very soon he will be assessed for a full time aide, I will have to fight for him. His new teacher will see how easily he breaks down, and the kids will remember how volatile he can be.  I will see the tears of frustration, both in the mirror and on his face. I will clash with the school district. I will beg him to just get through one more day. I know not all kids with aspergers or autism feel this way about school. I know some aspie kids LOVE school. They love the order, the predictability, the learning. Most of them probably don't love recess, or lunch. Too many variables. My hero is Brick on a television show called The Middle. My favorite episode is where he and his "friendship club" all got kicked out of the library at lunch time. Their safe haven became unavailable and Brick worked to regain his rightful place among the books. True to the spectrum world all his "friends" had different issues making recess unbearable for them. It was priceless. It was a very good depiction of how a kid with autism sees the dangers that some call recess. I guess I better add pretending my son wont hug or bow down to a tree during recess...... This fantasy world is a nice place to visit....
I think I'll enjoy it a while longer.....