Sixth Grade, Bullies, and...... stuff

     It is October. Apparently that means a couple of things in America. It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Everyone wears pink and "likes" things on Facebook in hopes of curing breast cancer. (Not a lot of concern about what is causing this....but hey I guess its more important to fight for the cure)
It is also Bullying Awareness Month. This is where you hear and see a lot of programs to obliterate bullies. (Again not a lot of concern about what is causing theses kids to be bullies, but what ever)
     My son is a target. He always has been. I worry he always will be. I sat in a PTA meeting recently and heard all about how the school he attends is aggressively fighting against bullies. I bit my tongue. I know for a fact they are loosing that fight. In this same meeting where the parents were thrilled to see that the school was doing something so that all kids could be treated fairly I heard that the PTA decided to give money to all the teachers, from the recent fundraiser, with the exception of the special ed teacher. If she wanted money she would have to come to a meeting and ask for it.                                So we want our kids to be fair and kind, but as adults we are incapable of this. I had to walk out of the meeting later when the PTA members began to yell at each other about the wording of the minutes. I just don't have the time or the heart for that kind of crap.
     We talk about bullies a lot in our family because we seem to encounter them rather frequently.
Ben has asked to participate in this blog, since,  it directly affected him.

In his own words:
"Since being on the spectrum, I as a kid with autism, will just stand in the spot where we line up after recess. Since I wear a watch I, and remember the times that recess starts and ends, a minute before I would go and line up. I wanted to be the first in line so I could hold the door open for people and basically make more friends. When the class was going in the bully uttered the words, "you don't always have to be first." I told my aide about the incident and he talked to the bully about it. This went on for quite a while. I still kept track of time during recess, and the bully enlisted a friend in class to try and stop me from doing what I wanted. For example I knew that the last person out of the class during a fire drill is the first person back in. The bully got his friend to try and get in front of me when we turned around. This made me feel awful and I felt like everything in my head that was nice to other people was actually the meanest thing on earth. They made me feel like I was being a jerk for wanting to hold the door. Eventually the bully got bored and now we are on good terms and we both are kind of nerds ourselves. We talk about games like spore and shows like Ninjago Masters of Spin-Jitsu."
     What gets me about all of this, is that during the time this was going on, the class had a guest speaker come and talk about Bullies. Ben's aide talked to the bully and Ben about how to resolve the issue and the only person that accepted the advice or understood the affect that bullies have, was Ben. The other child that was causing the turmoil did not see he was in the wrong. He, in fact turned around and glared at Ben during the anti-bully lecture like it was Ben's fault this conflict was occurring. The only thing that stopped this kid from picking on my son was just what Ben said. He got bored. Ben continued to be nice, mind the time at recess, and hold the door. Eventually this no longer bothered said bully.
     The kids that need to hear these lessons the most just do not understand. They do not feel that they are being mean, or disrespectful. Ben was approached by some kids on the playground a week or so ago....in the heart of anti-bulling month....they asked him if he wanted to play with them. While he contemplated this offer, one of the kids asked, "Wait, are you Jewish? Because we don't like them." Ben said no he was not, then when asked if he wanted to go play he said, "No thanks...see ya around the playground." (In true Mike Birbiglia fashion.) Ben later said to me, "Seriously what do you say to that?" I agree. How is it that in this day with all the education about how to be nice there are still jerks roaming the playgroud.....I'll tell you why. They are the direct product of their parents.
     My daughter was on a sports team recently. This was the first time for this family to be a part of a sport. She loved it. The team was nice and supportive of the kids who were not the best at the sport. The parents seemed to be as well. Until I noticed something. The entire crowd of parents would root and cheer for a boy with an obvious disability, and yet all of these supportive parents would shun and act mean to one kid with a not so obvious disability. I do not believe you can cheer on the kid with one impairment, then turn around and yell at the other kid that couldn't follow directions. After one encounter that I witnessed I pointed out to the parent that I thought this particular child had aspergers, and that is why it was so hard for them to follow the directions given by the coach. The parent responded that the child was annoying and should have done what the coach asked. I said, "again, I think the kid has issues with following directions, and they need our help and understanding so they can be successful in this sport."
The parent turned away.
Well there you go.  These are the parents that teach their kid to be mean. This is the cause. Now....on to the cause of Breast Cancer.....