The care and feeding of a nine year old boy......

I have never been good with boys. They do strange things. When my daughter was in the second grade she wanted to invite her whole class to her birthday party. I agreed. When the boys arrived they, for a reason unknown to me, all ran and jumped over my couch. I was horrified. One of the boys mothers ( once she stopped laughing at me and the expression I had on my face,) whipped the boys into shape. Apparently this is what boys do.... they run and jump and play and are loud. At this point my son was about three. He was calm and sweet and quiet and thoughtful and not at all like these boys. There is nothing wrong with the loud and rowdy type, let me just say that now, I just was not accustom to the behavior. My daughter and her friends were very calm in the way the played and how they interacted so being around boys was a bit shocking. As my son grew he was by no means a "typical little boy". This has never been a problem, and like I have said before we did not know right away that he would be labeled "on the spectrum"
While the cause of all his symptoms is still under investigation the point is still clear that my son is and always has been very different that his peers. Well now, suddenly with out these medicines coursing through his veins he is slowly becoming a different person. He is turning into....a ......boy!
Yikes.
I am not sure I know what to do.
I looked in my desk drawer where I keep all my owner's manuals and there were none for my children. There should be, Someone should tell parents what to expect. Actually that might deter a few people from this "adventure". There have been more than a few days where I have thought about turning in my Mom Badge..... I don't think you can do that. I always threaten to run away to Istanbul with my dog Maggie. The kids know I am bluffing. I don't have a passport.
My husband is better with the children than I am but I think it is because he doesn't have to be with them all the time. He has a job away from home. He gets to leave, almost every day. He has all of these great suggestions that are fair and even and level headed and he never ever makes fun of the children. I do that. All the time. They usually deserve it, and it is usually pretty darn funny, but still....I am their Mom....probably shouldn't make fun of them.
So back to trying to figgure out how to raise my son. How to help him get the most out of his life. What I realized is that we were avoiding social situations as much as we could. As I was taking my daughter to a play date the other day, my son said, " Wow. I never have those. "
I pointed out that he doesn't really like people, and that he tends to yell and them. He said good point and we both laughed.
But as I was driving my daughter over to her friend I thought about how I never pushed the issue. I never set up things for my son to do. I just let him become a recluse, a hermit at nine. A would be uni-bomber because it was easier than dealing with the embarrassment of my son yelling at another child. Maybe he would be better at social things if I had tried a little more. Maybe not, but self blame is something that most parents are pretty good at so I do this every now and then. I am determined now to get him out there more, have him fail.  That is something I was never good at. My kids perhaps do not know how to clean their room because I was not good at letting them try and fail and try again. I would send my daughter in to clean her room and check on her a half hour latter only to find her staring at the wall drooling. This made me so frustrated that I gave up. I was not willing to have my curtains sucked up into the vacuum cleaner or the wet towels shoved under a bed to mold and rot so I just did it myself. This has, when they were younger worked okay. Now that they are getting older and requiring more and more....well it is clear I can not continue. I must have them do things for themselves. I must have them fail. I can't watch. It is not that I don't want to see the disappointment in their eyes, or the frustration, it is just that well, I am a perfectionist. I want it done right. It bothers me that my daughter loads the dishwasher yells out, "It's Full!" and walks away.....there are three things on the top shelf and a plate laying face down on the bottom shelf and a sink full of dishes that could have fit in the dishwasher......AUGH!
My son has had chores too....we have tried. He is on "Poop Patrol" for our tiny back yard...we have three dogs....he does a terrible job. I would have fired him long ago. Mostly my husband just picks up the poo or mows over it, or the big dog eats it....I'm not really sure. I just stopped going in the back yard.
It is easier that way.
Perhaps I will go and stay with another family for awhile to see how they do this. You know how they have exchange students from other countries.....perhaps I can be an exchange mom. I can observe like a field biologist.....
Do a documentary on the family.....

I could just read books on the subject. I know they are out there. I was told by one of the people who assessed my son of this great book called, "Smart But Scattered" It was all about how executive function is not fully developed in children and this is what causes their organizational problems.....It was a great book and I read the first chapter, then I lost the book....seriously.....
Are you seeing a trend here.
Well.
Perhaps my kids are the ones who need the owners manual.
The care and feeding of a scattered mom?
If they write one I will let you know.
And If I ever find that book I'll let you know....maybe it had some good tips....