The School System for us.....and the rest of them......

I've heard from a couple of people about how the school system is for them. They either have a child with special needs, or are just entering into the testing phase. One of my friends has a two year old who may or may not fall on the spectrum. Since she was a teacher before becoming a mom she knows all the in's and outs of the "help" the school can provide. My son goes to a college based Autism Clinic. They are wonderful. They have taught him to ride a bike, play games, interact with other kids and in general have fun. The people who work at the clinic are students, so sometimes in the room where I wait there will be a few of them studying or doing reports. Once I saw one of their books. It was on IEP's. For those of you who do not know this is suppose to stand for Individualized Education Plan. I have come to learn it really means, Its Endless and Painful.
I have not met a parent that comes out of these happy. The book, I guess it was their text book for a class, explained how the IEP works, how it is there to help the student and parent get the most out of the education system.....I wonder if the schools have a copy of this book? Maybe I will send it over....
We started out with a "student study team meeting." This was brought on after a phone call where I was asked to come and remove my son from kindergarten. Apparently he was very very upset and was causing problems. He already knew the information that was being taught and did not want to be told the same stuff again thank you very much. When I arrived I received my child and a hand written account of the events that occurred. It was like a murder had taken place....
9:45 your son stood up and yelled at the class
9:50 your son walked to the door and would not return to his seat
9:55 your son tried to escape out the back door when we tried to escort him back to his spot at circle time...
I checked for crime scene tape around my son, there was none.
I began to feel that perhaps this teacher and my child were not a good match.
Shortly after this encounter she talked to me privately and told me it would be best if I could get my son to stop crying so much....you see children really don't like boys who cry. She honestly said this to me.... I can't even make this stuff up.... Well I could but I swear this really happened!
(This was after my son had surgery on his brain to drain a cyst that sits in his left temporal lobe. We also know now that he was under the effects of the medications like Decadron (a steroid used after surgery to prevent brain swelling) The side effects of this medicine include flat affect mood swings personality disorders and depression. Wonderful. Of course the doctor did not warn us about this and acted completely surprised when we said our son had changed....I digress....)
My response to her request was.... well the one in my head was a lot different than the one that came out, thankfully....
I told her that my son could cry anytime he felt like he needed to, and I printed out and gave to her a bunch of information about head injury and recovering from brain surgery. I also had the school R.N go and talk to the class when my son was not there to educate them a little more about what was going on.
Did this work? Well if my life was an after school special it would have....
Instead on the next "assessment" my son had I noticed that the person wrote at the bottom of the form, my son's problems were in no way associated with a head injury or recovering from brain surgery....she figured that out in the half hour she spent watching him play on the rug. Great.
So on it went, and we tested, and assessed, and looked at how he did at different things all free of charge to me, a service provided by the school system. How nice.
Well sort of.
I also had him tested and looked at by the Regional Center. ( also a free service) They do this for a living and actually want to help people. They aren't trying to cut costs or save money or make little boys stop crying because it just isn't cool.
The bottom line was that in Kindergarten at least, my son didn't need any "extra" help. We would revisit the situation next year in first grade and see how he is doing then....hurry up and wait.
This is very hard for a person like me. I want answers, solutions and I want things fixed.....NOW.
It was hard to wait, hard to hear that we would just have to see how he did....
I was however hopeful that having a new teacher would help. Someone who maybe understood him a little better.....
Sadly this just wasn't going to happen in the first grade either....
Poor kid.
You do have to know what the system is suppose to offer or the school will not give up anything. It all costs money. No Child Left Behind? Well that left skid marks all over my kids.....I am sure in it's purest form there was a good idea. By the time it reaches me however.....sigh.
watch him in class to see if he needs a one on one aide....
We have been through all of this before. I am always torn, because I want him to do well. I want him to improve. But what if they catch him on a good day? What if he needs this stuff and they just miss it?
Then I guess I go back in and fight again for what he needs.
You'll recognize me....I'll be the one with the boxing gloves and the police tape slung over my shoulder.....