The obsession of Autism

      Ask any parent of an Autistic child what calms their child down and you will discover, their "Thing." The one, and perhaps only thing that will ease their mind, calm their fears and return them to a manageable human. Like I had said before when my son was very young, about 14 or 15 months old he became very attached to a Bic Pen. He loved holding it. Clinched tight in his fist, it made everything okay. Everything except Grandma. Seeing a toddler teeter around with a sharp object in their hand just isn't for the faint of heart.
When we lived out of town Grandma was in charge of watching the kids upon our arrival. We needed a break so I dropped both kids off at her house and left, waving bye bye to my daughter and my Bic Pen holding son....when I returned about an hour later I was met at the door with an inconsolable child and a very frazzled grandma.
I immediately looked at his hand....no pen.
"Mom! Where is his Pen!?"
"Well I took it away from him! He can't walk around with that thing! He will poke his eye out!"
I grabbed a pen from my purse, (I always had a spare....) and as soon as he had it in his chubby little hand all was right with the world.
"Mom," I said, "The kid has to have his pen."
We had no idea this would place him  on the spectrum someday....well not just this, but out of all the things that really seemed "different" about my son....this meets the top tier.
Luckily for everyone, especially my mom and her fragile nerves, he soon switched his love to Thomas The Tank Engine. He had the little "Take-a-long" version, the metal ones....Perfect.

Toby was his favorite. He was a square-ish little guy that looked like a trolley. I still have Toby, tucked away....for me, not him. I loved that little guy too....he made my son happy! Of course as the years went on, he slowly transferred to new things...you have heard about his friend Coconut, but before him there was "Joshea" (he came up with the name) the dog. We have two now after my son left him in a shoe store in Roseville....sure we had lost him forever, I scoured e-bay until I found the exact dog....purchased it that night, then drove to Roseville the next day. Thank-goodness he was there!
I know this is now in the realm of normal comfort items....the stuffed animal, the blankey, these are socially acceptable. Bic Pen? Not so much.
So I was relieved too when he started wanting more normal things to help him calm down.
I know other parents have stories of the blanket that went missing and could not be replaced. I love my childhood friend for telling me about "raggy". Unfolded cloth diapers. They, when washed over and over become very soft. They are also non-descript....white, square, easily replaced. My son would have nothing to do with them.
My daughter loved them....then it became, just one that she loved....(darn it) By the time I convinced her to part with "raggy" it was no longer white, no longer square, and no longer recognizable....I plan on presenting it to her on her wedding day.
But my son and his obsessions...unable to part with all of them, just like the other kids that live on the spectrum. Some like ropes, some like phones, some like books. There really is no rhyme or reason to us on the outside. They know why it is important. That is all that matters.
Sometimes it will be a plan that becomes an obsession. When that plan does not go the way my son had envisioned, the world will surely end. For some unknown reason we once decided an impromptu trip to one of the big box stores. We had said we were going to the book store, the pet store, and then home. Well of course once on that side of town we decided to hit the other store too.
     This, fly by the seat of your pants kind of living doesn't gel with my son. You do NOT just spring a trip to THAT store on this child.....
So I reached into my bag of tricks, (every mom carries them....)                                 "Hey that store has those awesome ice-cream on a stick thingy that you like so much...."
The tears and kicking of the back seat subside momentarily....
"How about if you are good, we will get an ice-cream on the way out?"
My son...."How about on the way in?"
Me.....(sigh) "Okay!"
Now there is a reason why I don't promise my son things unless I know I can deliver. He is NOT okay with disappointment....ever....not under any circumstance.
This has and will continue to make him look like a brat in the eyes of strangers. It is this exact type of behavior that has caused my friend to educate people in the middle of big box stores when they comment on her son. "He has Autism." She calmly tells them, then launches into a dissertation about autism and it's challenges....I love her.
So when we go up to the food area and tell the lady at the counter we want a chocolate dipped ice cream I was not prepared for her answer.
"Oh we don't make those anymore....."
I am not sure if it was the look on my face or my son, but there was something very special about that lady. She just knew. She knew this was not an ordinary ice-cream for an ordinary boy....this was bribery ice-cream for a different kind of  little boy.....
She quickly came up with an alternative. This was so not acceptable to my son, but we did the best we could. He was a real trooper and ate the ice-cream CONE, even if with every bite he cried a little because it wasn't what he planned on eating. I know for a fact that people who were near us during this exchange thought my son was nothing more than a spoiled brat. Sigh, if only it was that simple! Once escalated, returning to earth is just not easy for my boy. I would do a lot to avoid those melt downs....thankfully this is one more thing he seems to be growing out of as he gets older.
We do see that OCD beast every now and then, but not like days past! Thank-goodness!